I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
