so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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