If i come over, it means nothing
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
