I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
