he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
