butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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