my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
