I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
