physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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