Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
