First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
