some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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