you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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