Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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