we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
