I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
