the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
