porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
