If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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