We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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