I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
