why didn't you poke me back
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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