would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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