I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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