We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
