I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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