everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
