May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
