Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
