She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
