1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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