Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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