OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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