I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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