butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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