I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
