im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
