What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
