Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
