I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
