I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
