i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
what day is it and did you see me today?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
