Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
