Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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