Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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