is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So vagazzling was a success
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
