In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
