Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
