Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
