ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
