I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
